A few life events over the past few months have me thinking about how much I really need to experience happiness. The merger announcement of Biovail and Valeant Pharmaceuticals which may leave me without employment and my daughter graduating high school and heading off to college have thrown me for a bit of a loop. So, what makes me happy?

Looking around I see lots of “stuff”. Material stuff (a nice house, two cars, a closet full of clothes, plenty of electronics, food, etc…). The basement also has lots of “stuff” which is all out of sight for now. In a way, the “stuff” in the basement is worse than the “stuff” throughout the house because each box that is out of sight represents a time capsule of days gone by. Some of the memories were great while others were very painful. All of them have come and gone. Too much to work through at this time…

So what does all this material “stuff” represent to me? CLUTTER! This stuff is holding me down even suffocating is a way. Why am I holding on to it all? Why do I move select items from the house into a box and then store the box in the basement? Creating even more time capsules? Seems a bit masochistic to me.

Starting today, I pledge to de-clutter my life in every way possible. I will focus on drawing energy from enjoying experiences with friends and family and not from “stuff”. I will give all of my CLUTTER away and not replace it with more clutter but instead get rid of the weight. My goal is to follow the philosophy of Jay Shafer and those who are part of the tine house movement; “Live simply so others can simply live”.

Here is a video of my friend Jim and I visiting the Fencyl Tiny House in Jackson, VT. This home is 130 sq. ft. and one of the largest that Tumbleweed  builds on wheels (http://www.tumbleweedhouses.com).

This incredibly adorable and simple home is definitely an option now that I have empty-nested and am ready for the next, de-cluttered, chapter in my life. Now I wonder if I will still have a job in a month or so? Nothing like making sure I have options to live with less…

Could you live in the Fencyl and be truly happy?

Today started off like any other day (wake up, shower, shave, get dressed, breakfast and head out the door to work) but ended like no other day I have had. Today, my company, Biovail announced a merger with Valeant pharmaceuticals. This would not have been so shocking if I was still in the Marketing department where I had built 8 years of experience. The reality is that I just made a career move into Human Resources and have been here for a 1 week.

Merging with another company means there will be extra headcount and positions that are redundant. If the saying, last one in first one out is true, I can pretty much start looking for a new job and saving every penny I have.

I am experiencing so many feelings and emotions now; none of which I can put into writing. I am afraid.

Have you lived through this? How did you cope?

The Match dating whirlwind is now over. My subscription has ended and my profile is hidden. Looking back at the six Romeos I met only one sparked my interest (although I am not certain if I sparked his, time will tell).  We met for coffee after work a few days ago and were both a bit tired. The conversation was light and we even shared a couple of laughs. Of all the Romeos I met he was the one with the best energy. The others provided me with a range of experiences, from a man who seemed infatuated with me to another that came across as a conspiracy theorist.

The infatuation levels experienced with on-line dating tends to send me screaming in the opposite direction. Everyone knows someone who has found love on-line. Some of the connections have led to marriage and many have not. In the past, the couple of relationships that came from my on-line dating experience ramped up extremely fast, with a fast crash and burn. Stressful and painful! Don’t get me wrong, a skyrocket relationship is definitely an adrenaline rush and life altering. It was flattering in my younger years when a Romeo took to me in such a way. Today I see it very differently. This phenomenon is more of an addiction and possibly a sign of emotional instability and does not show someone who is ready for a long-term relationship. I speak from experience because I had several of these in my life and looking back I was definitely not ready!

I have also tried to gain a better understanding of the type of person who is using on-line dating. There are a number of people who are lonely and just want someone to have fun with – no commitment and others who define themselves by being in a relationship – even if they are not ready for one. Then there are those who are in a good place in life, ready to meet someone special and using on-line dating as an extra way to meet singles (not the only way). It is tough deciphering which category each Romeo is in. It will require building a foundation on which to set up a friendship and trust. Some of you may think that my approach is quite limiting. These statements come from MY observations of their situation through MY lenses. When I am looking for my ideal partner, a Romeo to spend my life with, selectivity is necessary to avoid dead-end relationships.

Deciphering where each Romeo stands becomes easier when you know what your life “reality” is. Many years ago I went on a business trip to Italy. My company was running a large meeting and an outside vendor provided the audio-visual support. The Romeo who owned (and owns) the company went on to become a wonderful friend of mine. Not only did he introduce me to Photography,  my hobby and passion, but he shared with me one of the most valuable insights on love and relationships I have ever received. He explained how important each persons life “reality” is to having a deep and loving relationship. Determining my life “reality” helps me frame a point of comparison that is essential to finding my ideal life partner. Let me give you an example. For several years, Mary has worked a full-time job and raising 3 children under the age of 15 on her own. Her schedule routine,predictable and comfortable. With enough time for her work, family and personal enjoyment, she is happy and finds herself in a great place in life. She is ready to meet someone special to share her life with. Let’s meet Robert. He is 15 years older than Mary, never married and does not want children (although is not opposed to meeting women with children). His career is demanding and he often times gets frustrated with relationships because the women he tends to date want more of “him”. He also has a routine and comfortable with an occasional business trip or client dinner. Mary and Robert share essentially the same “reality” so there is a high potential for the relationship to work if everything else falls into place.

Now, let’s say Mary was recently divorced and met Robert. She is trying to figure out what her next steps are. There is hurt, pain and uncertainty. Robert is a busy man. If he decides to start a relationship with Mary, chances are he will need to give her a bit of emotional support – more of “him”. Their realities in this example are different. The same holds true if Robert wanted kids of his own and Mary was not interested. The point is to know what your “reality” is and to connect with someone who shares your reality. Starting off on the same foot standing on a solid foundation will allow room for growth in the same direction. When I meet someone, I try to understand what their reality is. Are we aligned? If not, I try not to invest any more time into the relationship. I am not looking to just pass time or make lots of new friends. I must admit sometimes it is hard to walk away but I stay focused knowing that I am looking for someone who shares my reality, piques my interest, becomes my best friend. Should all the stars align, he and I will become life long partners.

How do you see “realities” playing a part in your relationships?

In early 2008 I sat down to watch Dr. Randy Pausch give his last lecture, “Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams”. I had no idea how profoundly his message would touch me. I found myself looking at life in a very different way and asking, “Why not focus on making my dreams come true now?”

At that time my job was extremely demanding. I was working long hours and experiencing a great deal of stress. The company was undergoing yet another restructure and the pressure to “perform” or “be out” was felt by everyone. The situation was the same for so many people around me.

I was ready to live my dream but my reality was I could not change my job. My daughter was in her junior year of high school and my green card application was pending (I am a Portuguese citizen). As a single mom and head of household, making a drastic move was not an option. I made a real effort to focus on all the positive aspects of life and to laugh as much as I could at work and at home with my friends and family. It was hard though. For the darker moments at work I leaned on my wonderful manager who was the best that I ever had. At home I just kept focused on my daughter and my dog.

My green card finally arrived in July of 2008. I was free to apply for a new job and leave the toxic environment I found myself in. For as long as I could remember, I thought about the day that I would have freedom to apply for a new job. I ripped open the envelope with my green card and immediately started to reach out to headhunters. There was no doubt in my mind that my amazing skills and infectious personality would land me job with a snap of my fingers.

I snapped my fingers several times and let me say -  no job came along. Facing reality was difficult, finding a new job was not as easy as I convinced myself it would be. Add in the fact that I was not able to move because of my daughter. I was miserable. I recall thinking back to Randy’s lecture and saying to myself, “My life is a bit upside down and stressful at the moment but here is a man who only has another 6 months to live. How can he be so confident and seem so happy? What is wrong with how I am looking at my life?”

It was at that time that I became a believer in the Law of Attraction. We can create in life what we wish for most by holding the vision in our mind and believing it will come true. We must also focus on positive thinking because resonating positive energy will attract positive results. Let me add an important note. For it to work, we must take actions towards making it come true. For example, if you are looking for a job then you must network and apply for jobs – not just sit at home hoping an offer letter will show up in the mail.

So I was miserable but knew I had to look at life differently. I saw myself in a new job, at a new office building, in a new environment, with a different commute, reporting to a different boss, addressing different challenges, sharing with new co-workers. Everyday for about 1 month I drove to and from work talking about this new job to my friends. I even went as far as to planning my farewell party, thinking about whom I would invite, what would I say and who would I thank. I created such a realistic picture in my mind that I felt it in my core. One day in late October a member of my Marketing team approached me and told me of an opportunity at a different company. I thanked her for the contact. About a week later, I met with the prospective employer for lunch and by the following week I was interviewing for the opportunity. Three weeks later I signed the offer letter.

I started the new job in early December and have not looked back for a second. The environment I am in is healthy and balanced. It allows me to exercise and spend time with family. To come home and leave my work behind is a blessing.

So back to my dream! With balance in my life and a tremendous amount of positive energy, I decided to pursue my coaching certificate. Coaching has always intrigued me as a profession. I researched several programs and decided to attend iPEC for their foundation in energy coaching. The program has been life altering for me. I have found my calling and my passion.

I love my life. My career, my family and my coaching. Most importantly, I love who I am and where I am going. Dreams can come true and we should live to make them a reality. We owe it to all the wonderful people like Randy who left this earth at an early age. Let’s live our lives to really make our dreams come true!!