The time has come to start setting up my February “Message in a Balloon” launch.

I am a great believer in the Law of Attraction and to continue to prove that I will find love in 2010, I will launch 100 balloons into the universe believing one will find its way to the man I am supposed to spend my life with. A dedicated website to this project is available and will serve as a way for those who find the scrolls to get more information.

You can visit the site at www.MyMessageInABalloon.com. Don’t forget to come back and share with me your comments on this exciting event.

It has been a busy two weeks! Work and life PLUS managing emails/phone calls and dates from Match have me a bit tired. From the time I joined Match on January 9^th until today I have received about 30 emails, countless winks and my profile was viewed many hundreds of times.

I narrowed the number of eligible Romeos down to six. It has been a busy string of emails and phone calls. I try to keep emails limited to a couple back and forth and move to a phone conversation quickly. It is easy to tell if there is a potential connection once you move from typing emails to actually speaking with each other. If you find it hard to keep the conversation going – move on. Now that I have a nice group of single Romeos, I will stop initiating new communications until I see where these connections go.

So the question now becomes, do I keep the profile visible (and continue to receive emails and winks) or do I hide it (and potentially send out the “I have found what I am looking for” message to the Romeos I am talking to). If I do keep the profile visible, I will log in periodically to respond to those Romeos who sent me a “thoughtful” email. To thank them for their interest and let them know I am busy working through my selected candidates. There is nothing worse than pouring effort into an email and then not even receiving a “Thanks, but no thanks” response. Actions speak louder than words! Someone who does not take five seconds to respond to a thoughtful email shows they have little consideration for others. I am a bit torn on what to do with my profile status  (and admit I maybe over thinking things!).

For the number of times that I have been on Match, I have not been able to figure out how to enjoy the process. I suspect I am not alone. The way that I see it, if I am corresponding with a large volume of Romeos, they must be corresponding with a large volume of Juliettes. I find this aspect of online dating terribly unnatural. I am starting to realize that maybe I am just not wired to fully enjoy what Match has to offer.

What has been your experience?

It’s Tuesday. My profile has been up on Match since early Saturday. The flurry of activity always seems to overwhelm me when my “new” profile comes on the network. The emails and winks are flattering on the surface until I start reading them or checking out who is actually interested in me.

I can’t seem to understand why a man would take the time to send a note or wink when he does not match any of the criteria I stated on my profile. Don’t get me wrong, I am open to dating men that are “outside the list” when I meet them while having fun out and about. On Match, I will only entertain meeting men that “match” my desired criteria.

I realize it sounds really shallow but let me explain. Match boosts more than 20 million members in 37 countries. There are LOTS of single people out there! With such a large pond of single Romeo’s, there must be an efficient way of sifting through the possibilities. When using the Match search engine to look for other singles, the selection criteria allows me to find a Romeo who fits with every detail on my list: height, age, children (have and/or want), marital status, distance, hair and eye color, body type, profession, religion, income, activities, political view, body art, piercing and the list goes on and on. Just like the two 15 year old boys in Weird Science who created a woman, I can simply select the boxes, set the desired age range and SHABAM my ideal man (actually men) show up in digital format. So I ask you again, why would I compromise my “list” when there are profiles that “match” perfectly?

Let’s look at the numbers. A broad search of single men in the Bridgewater, NJ area results in a total of 1892 men (criteria set for men between the ages of 18 and 100+ located 10 miles of 08807 (photos and no photos)). When I search within the 1892 men for those that match my “list” I come up with 15 matches. Boy am I picky! It is yet to be determined if I will correspond and meet one of these charming Romeo’s. The point is that match facilitates the notion that we can find the PERFECT partner. When you meet, if there is no chemistry then you move on to the next charming Romeo. Nothing gained, nothing lost.

I don’t like it! I ask you, how natural and spontaneous is this – really? Match gives us access to a large volume of single people. That’s it. The reality is there is more to a person that is captured in a profile or selected from a list of choices. The other day I caught a Romeo looking my way in the supermarket. Not sure what he was looking at, might have been the amazing cheese spread behind me, or he might have wondered why I was buying a dozen containers of Greek yogurt. He did not align to my requirement “list” but his energy was definitely strong and he was charming. We smiled and passed each other.

We cross paths with so many people everyday. A simple smile shared with another person (not even referring to anything related to romance) can make us feel alive. It represents a special connection shared for a moment in time. In that split second a friendship can start and lead to other wonderful moments in life. Match will never be able to re-create the spontaneity that comes from crossing some ones path. Match is in the volume business of connecting singles together. That’s it.

I am curious to know what you think. Please share.

Today is my first day back from a trip home to Portugal. I left on December 31^st and arrived in Lisbon on January 1^st. I was very curious to spend New Year’s on an airplane in flight. How many times do you celebrate? There is a five-hour time difference so I thought we would celebrate each time we moved over a time zone. Not so! It was quite uneventful! The only time we celebrated was around 6:00pm US time which corresponds to midnight in Lisbon. I bet Southwest would have turned the occasion into an awesome party.

This coming weekend I will join Match.com. This will probably be my fourth time using the service. Over the years I have met some very nice (and some real kookie) people on the service. Some who have become good fiends of mine. None that evolved into a serious relationship. There have been some really funny and interesting dates and also some uncomfortable ones. The scariest situation I ever came across on Match was in 2004 when I was talking with an emergency room doctor. He was charming and very interesting. We made plans to meet but had to reschedule because my babysitter cancelled. A couple of weeks went by and as we were making plans to meet again when he asked if I looked like my picture. My daughter and I had donated 10 inches of hair to lock of love so my hair was really short which rally upset him! I immediately told him I was no longer interested in meeting him and went on with my life. In 2007, I received a call from a FBI agent asking me questions about the “ER doctor”. The agent shared with me the disturbing news that 9 women were accusing the “doctor” of date rape. I was very lucky. Even with such a crazy experience, I have tried Match again because not all people are loony.

I am updating my profile to reflect what is going on in my life now. It will definitely be short. Looking at the competition is also important. So many women say the same thing when talking about their hobbies and interests. So many ask that you not not contact if you are a looser!  As a believer in the Law of Attraction, if someone thinks about not dating losers – they will date losers because the universe does not understand the word “not” and only hears the last two words, “dating losers”. Guess who they will only date?

Here is a copy of my profile. Wish me luck!

2010 is poised to be one of the most amazing years of my life! Why? Because this is the year that I will send my daughter off to college. What a milestone!
She and I have been together for 19 years and have a wonderful and close relationship!

Looking back with nostalgia, I am in awe of the journey that we took to get here. One thing I know is that I am extremely blessed and very happy with who I am, where I came from and where I am going.

For this reason, I would like to meet someone who is also in a great place in life. I am not looking to jump into a relationship to “complete me” because I feel wonderful with who I am. I would hope that you too are complete.

If you are separated, I would rather wait to hear from you until you are divorced and back on your feet. I hope you understand.

I am ready and emotionally available to enjoy my life with a wonderful man. Our time together should be fun, carefree and amazing. No drama please. Just two people loving life, sharing love and building memories.

I believe in life you meet people for a reason, a season or a lifetime. So, if you are a gentleman who is ready to meet a caring and honest woman, send me a note and let’s find out what our reason to meet is…

for fun:

I enjoy reading a great book or watching a great movie. Sharing a good laugh with friends. Photography. Anything that makes me grow as a person.

my job:

I work for a pharmaceutical company as a Product Manager.

my ethnicity:

I was born in Portugal and have been in the US for 14 years now. My father had an international marketing career so I have lived in different countries.

my religion:

I am very grateful for all the good fortune, friends, family and health that I have in my life.

my education:

I graduated from Penn State – Go Nittany Lions! And I love science!

favorite hot spots:

Cuddling close in front of a roaring fire. Love cozy coffee houses and low-key hole in the wall restaurants. Vacation – anywhere adventurous and warm!

favorite things:

Lots of favorites! Lots to talk about…

last read:

Mutant Messenger Down Under. The fascinating experience of an American physician with an Aborigines Tribe in Australia.

The week between Christmas and New Years is fabulous! The closure of my company during this week gives me an extra five days off! I spend this time recharging my batteries and “pretending” that I have no cares in the world. It is a great time!

I also take this week to complete a very special yearly project, my inspiration board for the following year. This is the fourth year that I have worked on creating an inspiration board.  I mainly use old magazines to find and clip out images and words/sayings that inspire me for the year to come. There are no “material” wants on my board. The focus is on living a more fulfilling and inspired life and on accomplishing certain goals (i.e.. in 2008, I added the skydiving event to the 2009 board. Seeing it everyday made it so that I HAD to do it. No backing out!).

When I take a look at all the past inspiration boards together, it amazes me how I can immediately remember what was going on at that time in my life. I remember exactly why I added a certain picture or saying. It is nice to see how far I have come over the years!

I was almost done with my project when I realized I ran out of glue. So I decided to take a break, head off to the gym and then stop at Staples. I put on my gym attire and pulled back my hair and off I went.

Following my workout, I headed straight to Staples for my glue stick. The workout made me feel great although I might have been a bit stinky (and my hair was definitely pulled back tight). As I was pulling into the parking lot I thought to myself, “If I am want to find an entrepreneur, I would probably find him at Staples. They must have to buy office supplies at some point.” I chuckled and headed in.

Glue is in one of the back aisles. As I meandered through the store I crossed paths with a cute Romeo, tall, athletic, no ring, circa early to mid thirties. He was carrying a cardboard box and packing popcorn, which indicated he had to prepare a package for shipping (I have acute detective skills). I flashed a smile and whispered a “hello” as I passed on by to pick up my glue stick.

With glue stick in hand, I head to the check-out counter and notice that Romeo is still walking around. I pick the LONG line and wait patiently. Soon enough Romeo is at the other register checking out. We leave Staples at the same time. I head to my car and watch him as he heads to his (which was immaculately clean!). He looks back as he gets into his car. We exchange glances. I pull out of the parking lot and head out to Barnes and Noble. To my surprise, I see him pull out  and follow me to the book store.

Now I am at Barnes and Noble. Latte in hand. The magazine rack is offering me the much needed coverage. Romeo enters the store and moves over to the center display area. I strategically position myself near him and attempt to start small talk. He responds. We separate and head into different directions. Again we meet. Small talk. Again we separate. Another brief exchange. Off in separate directions. I reached my limit and accepted that this Romeo is not into me!

I was ready to head out and moved towards the café area to discard my empty cup.  As I was leaving Romeo comes around the corner. Small talk, introductions and phone number exchange. Nice! I headed home with a huge smile on my face. Later tonight I will be meeting up with a very close Juliet friend. I can’t wait to share with her the story. It will be great to talk about chance meetings and to dream.

I am not sure if I will ever hear from Romeo again. He certainly is cute! I can say that I had a great time playing out the film in my head. Isn’t that what life is about? Dreams? Enjoyment? Joy? It would be nice to see him again. If not, then he was just a leading character in one of my life scenes. Today was a blast. Thanks Romeo!

UPDATE: January 23^rd 2010. I have been in touch with “Staples” Romeo a couple of times since our meeting described above. Turns out that according to his report, he had intended to go to Barnes and Noble directly following his stop at Staples. He noticed me for the first time at Barnes and Noble. He thought I was just being friendly. I am certainly glad he did not see me hiding behind the magazine scoping out his next move. We had a wonderful laugh chatting about the event. It has been a real pleasure getting to know each other.

Last night I met another Romeo through IJL. I have been in the program since September and he is the third match. I was pleasantly surprised and can say that each match is moving closer to my ideal partner.

This Romeo was good-looking, successful and definitely a family man.  He had solid values and was very well spoken. A nice meal spent talking about life.

Curious about what happened? This separated Romeo felt a strong connection with a Juliet he met a couple of days before our date and wanted to see where that went (making him honest and open – a BIG plus too!). We did exchange contact information and said we would stay in touch. You never know why a person comes into your life so exchanging contact information in the hopes we stay in touch was a nice ending to the date. One of my favorite sayings is that you meet people for a reason, a season or a lifetime. You never know. Maybe it was just a nice meal, maybe he will introduce me to one of his nice single friends. You never know.

The question becomes, what if he had not met that special Juliet a couple of days before me? Would there have been an opportunity to date? The truth is that I would shy away from dating a separated Romeo. In my experience, separated status means the couple is living their life in limbo. Not married and definitely not single. The real result of their decision has not yet set in and they are not living their new reality. There is something that happens when the  divorce papers come through and each person walks away in different directions. There is a network of friends and family to help each party involved get through the rocky situation, the anger, regret and the unknown.

Life’s foundation for the Romeo and Juliet in this situation is definitely not on solid ground. I would suggest each take some time to pick up the pieces and rebuild a new life foundation. Taking care of the kids on their own, being responsible for their life on their own, joint custody with a person they wish would just disappear. The children also need to settle into a new reality. There is so much change!

For me, without a solid life foundation, there is no chance for love to grow abundantly. How can someone give of themselves in mind, body and soul, when they have just gone through one of the most emotionally damaging and life altering events?

I choose not to date a separated or recently divorced Romeo. My opinion is that all will be back on track about two years after the signing of the divorce papers. Enough time for Romeo to accept and adjust to his new reality. What are your thoughts?

In preparation for the year ahead, I thought it would be insightful to share how I have gone about finding dates and meeting eligible single Romeos.

My last serious relationship was several years ago to a Romeo I almost married. Looking back I see how the relationship was not healthy and had no real foundation. I spent a little over 3 years with this Romeo. And then decided to move on. Focusing on the positive in every situation I will share that the good times we shared were really great! I had a tremendous amount of fun and for the first time, I really felt like I was myself with someone. Something I know is very important for my future relationship.

For the last several years, I have met Romeos in various places. Some through friends, others on-line. Most recently I joined a dating service called “It’s Just Lunch” (IJL). This matchmaking service sets up dates every 45 days or so. One day you get a call out of the blue with a potential match. You don’t see their photo and only receive basic information about the potential Romeo prior to the date. I have found that the basic information is not correct so I choose to ignore it. At first I was a bit frustrated with the service because there was no response to my emails and phone calls. Having been with the service since September, I now have a better understanding of how they work so it doesn’t bother me as much.

Following the date, both people send in a summary of their experience and feedback on how the matchmaker did in finding the right person. My package is for a total of 8 dates and I have not had a “lunch” yet. They have all been dinners. As of today, I have been on 2 dates.

In mid September I had my first IJL date was with a very kind Romeo who really impressed me by making radical changes in his life. He found himself in a toxic situation at work and took a leap of faith by quitting his job. In the time that he was interviewing, he focused on losing the weight he had piled on because of the desk job (we can all relate). He beamed with confidence and was very proud of who he has become. It was refreshing. No spark…

October came around and I met the second Romeo through IJL. I dolled myself up and off I went to meet this new Romeo. Punctuality is VERY important to me so I was certain to arrive at the restaurant at least 10 minutes early. I sat at the bar waiting for my date to show up. After about an hour later I realized he was not coming! I was hugely disappointed.

But fear not. As I was getting ready to settle my bill, my luck turned around when three Romeos came along and started chatting with the bartender. She commented on my being stood up and what looked like a downer evening turned out  a great evening! We all had so much fun. Laughed and enjoyed getting to know each other. One Romeo in particular was quite adorable.

As I was driving home, I realized how open I was to a different experience. In the past I would have agonized over the guy who stood me up. Instead I joked about it with the bartender and took it in stride. New people came along and I did not shy away. I made new friends and had a great experience! It was worthwhile!

At the end of October and headed into New York City to meet another Romeo from IJL. It is always a treat to head into the Big Apple! We met and had a very pleasant dinner. The conversation was easy-going and comfortable. I really enjoyed how easy it was to talk to him. I shared with him my dream to become a life balance coach and he talked about his office and career. It was nice. No spark…

Then I met a couple of older Romeos at my local Barnes and Noble. Typically on the weekend I enjoy taking my laptop to the café to work on my projects. These two Romeos sat next to me and we started a conversation about life. They had been friends for as many years as they can remember. After chatting for a little while, I realized why they crossed my path: to learn about an author called Wallace D. Wattles. He was one of the leading New Thought leaders of the early 1900’s. His book, “The Science of Growing Rich” is the foundation for all the books on the Law of Attraction. Written in 1910, it is a TERRIFIC book! I highly recommend it.

Over the last few months I have met many interesting and diverse people. The Romeo I am looking for is very special. Meeting many Romeos with different life experiences and backgrounds will help me know when “The One” comes along. I am not looking to meet a huge amount single Romeo’s (I have a life to live) but I do believe I will need to meet a fair number of them. Kissing lots of frogs will help better find and understand what I am truly looking for.

This next year will be very exciting. For the first time in my life I am ready and available to “date”.

Love songs! You either love them or hate them. Depending on how your relationship is going, if there even is one, these songs are either uplifting or totally a downer! I have always had mixed feelings about listening to sappy music and wonder why women, including myself, torture themselves by listening to them!

Why do I do it? Well, I listen to them because I am a self diagnosed hopeless romantic who believes will have a “happy ending”.  Listening to songs of love, even if some are about lost love, keeps me believing that anything is possible. And that goes for Hollywood endings as well. I told you! I am a certified sap…

So here I am, single, 35 and ready for love.

The thirty thousand feet snapshot of my life is as follows: Healthy and fit. Successful career. Beautiful daughter. Sweet dog. Wonderful friends. Loving family. Well-balanced and happy. Loves life. Optimistic and full of hope for the future.

So why am I alone? To be honest, looking back I can see that I just wasn’t ready. My life kept me from “being ready”. Unconsciously I choose to focus my energy on raising my daughter and building my career. When my friends and family would ask about my love life I would say, “When I turn 35 and my daughter heads to college…”. I’m convinced that if you continuously tell yourself and others something you will start to believe it and it will become reality.

My main focus once I finished college was to build my career and raise my daughter. It was very difficult for me to allow anyone into my life. To share my life and my daughter. When I turned 30, I became overly concerned I would be single forever and picked the wrong man. He said he cared for me and I believed him, even though every sign pointed in the other direction. I set myself up for a bit of hurt and pain. I closed my feelings off for several more years.

Today I am in a very different place. I feel it in my core! In 2009 my daughter turned 18 and became an adult. To celebrate we went skydiving! I literally pushed her out of the nest! She was also accepted to college and will be leaving in August. I will be empty nesting this coming August. I am ready to live life in a very different way! I was a mom at 17! Now, at 35 and without kids at home, I get to enjoy life as an adult similar to what so many experienced in their 20′s and 30′s before getting married and having children. The opportunity to build a life of fun and travel. Love and joy. Adventure! It is all out there in the universe and I am ready to attract it into my life!

I will dedicate 2010 to finding the love of my life by engaging in different dating activities. I will start January with Match.com. Let’s see where that goes. For Valentines day, I will launch 100 balloons with a special message. Maybe one balloon will find its way to the man I am to spend the rest of my life with (www.MyMessageInABalloon.com). I will try speed dating and single’s dances and any other suggestions that may come up from my readers! If you want to share what worked or want me to try a dating activity and report back on how it went – let me know!

My story is very similar to so many other stories out there. We are all going through life, figuring out what we want and what is most important to us. People believe being in a relationship makes them complete and gives them a purpose. I disagree. We need to feel complete, love ourselves and believe in our own purpose to experience true happiness and fulfillment. Only then will we be in a great place to find the love of our lives (or re-ignite the love we may have lost in our current relationship). For me this meant forgiving bad decisions I made in the past, clearly defining who I am today and will be in the future. I choose to love life.

Dating is fun. Meeting people, sharing and experiencing what they have to offer is enlightening. The process is a great way to learn about ourselves and to discover what is most important. It is my hope to meet many wonderful single men on this journey to finding my best friend, the love of my life.

I look forward to sharing this journey with you.